You just made me feel so damn special
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
