There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
