found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
