It's Friday. Sex?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
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You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
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Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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