Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
