i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
