I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
