I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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