connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
