well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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