I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
