WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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