kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
