I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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