It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm passing your future prison.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
