Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
