Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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