You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
if i died would you start the facebook group?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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