; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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