3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
