Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize