I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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