I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
