As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
