I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
