just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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