right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
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I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
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Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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