make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
