I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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