Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
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it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
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just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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