So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
