happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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