Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
