Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
