I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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