how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
