girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
