She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
