i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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