like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
His nipple licking is glorious
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