the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
