Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
