So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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