Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
she peed on how many people?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
