It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize