no one should ever give us hovercrafts
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
