i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
we're making bets on your personal life
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
