pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
