her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
