tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
