I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
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I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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