I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
