I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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