she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
