Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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