accomplished twins. life is a go
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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