she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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