last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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