make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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