my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
