I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
