Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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