TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
