there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
