Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
