Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
