found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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